Early Yoga

“The sleep was not deep, but the waking is slow”
—Theodore Roethke, ‘The Gentle’

ta-daaaa
suh-nah
and swing your arms wide and up
and sweep forward and down
and hang in
uttanasana
i drink too much
this instructor is irritating
bend your knees and place your hands flat either side of your feet
my knees were bent already
and step back into plank
i am so good at plank
stay here for three more breaths. what is coming up for you?
that i am so good at plank
and push back into
and i am so good at adho mukha svanasana
adho mukha svanasana: downward facing dog
downward facing dog
now take your right leg through your hands and land your foot
that is very specific
and take your right hand inside your right foot. you may need to shimmy your foot out
this feels airy
and you can rest your forearms down here to go deep into your glutes
the simpsons
and quads
ex-girlfriends
and groin
everything blocked out
and hips
the opening in my hip brings things up
and if you like, you can pulse in this pose going up to whatever edges you find
ex-girlfriends are my edge. what is the time?
every false memory is possible. this instructor is irritating and not an ex-girlfriend
and whilst playing in the pose, do as you wish in
i feel like some sort of reptile
lizard pose: utthan pristhasana
ha!
and breathe here
…
…
i wish i’d doubled over my mat as my
knees hurt, be sure to come out of the pose and double over your mat. i have quite boney
glutes knees legs thighs. that one ex-girlfriend had such delicious
hips may feel at an edge here. many of us have tight
hips are throbbing. i am drinking
too much, remember to
breathe and my breath are where i get confused and i think about breathing but do not breathe naturally, rhythmically, in my poses and then i cannot spell rhythmically—is it even a word?
now move back into downward facing dog however you wish to
i am there. i’m already there. i am one of those students
and take your lizard pose on the other side
breathe here
…
…
the simpsons. why the simpsons? they are going to wonder why the simpsons
they would not want to know
that this is your practice today as
always so many things flashing through at once how is
your breathing, experience, mind? are you
presence is not something i believe in presently here
today, in the room, with your practice?
perpetual sex works wonders for presence but that ex’s knees got me in a right pickle after a while
…
…
now move back
through downward facing dog
and plank
into child’s pose
the simpsons
flashes
girlfriend
breathing
breathe
…
…
memories as distractions as unpresent-ers, not exactly in front of my eyes or on my mind but they exist non-spatially and temporally but with persistent casual efficacy to take me off somewhere else and can be distracting and unpleasant at best. and this trauma bubbles out if you stretch your hips too much, but that is too much for a crowd
…
…
come back to your breath
and the distractions are sporadic
and your body
and unconnected
and the mat
but use any means to get away from what is deep and terrified and terrifying within
and the sensations of the room. and try and stay here
look, but stay far enough away from what is difficult
what might be taking you away today?
i know she is not really irritating. girlfriend’s—ex-girlfriend’s—knees are less and less present but they might be the best i’ll ever have. she was just a bond for a younger me
balasana: child’s pose
and why include the sanskrit at all if it only makes it hard for yourself to read?
well, what is the simpsons reference all about?
…
…
…
…
sometimes i am pulled about and confused. i am not in the room i drink too much i am losing track of what is happening
and let’s stay rested here for as long as we need then
if i am writing about what is happening and then practising reading it out to a crowd i am not present or yoga-ing