This story appears here with the wrong formatting as I cannot be bothered to fiddle with the HTML. You can read it in its correct format in my book Dirty Work here.
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It is sooooo hot. Me and Trina are trekking over to Park. It’s only ten o’clock on a Tuesday and it’s a bit basic of us but we have our bikinis on already. Who gives a fuck – I’m lying down in the sun alllll day and getting burnt and I am desperate for some cock-tention: attention from some cock!
I swear as soon as it hits May everyone gets so much fitter and no one goes to work, they just go Park. Park is just the park but everyone calls it Park, like with a capital letter or something.
We literally look banging today. I said to Trina when we first left ours that we both look banging and that I’m desperate for some cock and she said, Kat, you honestly look a dish, babe, and I love how she says my name and says things like dish when I need it.
Wanting validation is a healthy, human need, too, she then says, and I’m like where does she come up with this stuff she is hilarious!
I could not ask for a better friend. We live together and spend so much time together and it is so good. She is so hot and so clever – like, ridiculously clever – and at times I don’t know why she likes me at all.
We do hang out like obviously but she is super busy with other stuff and we don’t like everything the same. She likes weird films and like art and book stuff and that but she says that stuff’s just superficial and transitory and so it doesn’t matter much. It’s a good job it doesn’t matter much as I don’t get what the fuck that means at all. But she doesn’t take herself too seriously either and we can laugh about it and we’re great because opposites attract.
We’re walking to Park through Wood which is cool to hang out in in the winter or when it’s raining because you can hang out and keep cover from the rain but no one really goes in Wood in the summer. Creeps maybe. Actually sometimes people camp in Wood but people are doing that less at our age now because, like, why would they. Kids still do it maybe.
Anyway we’re walking to Park and it is so hot already and I’m going to get burnt. I always leave putting cream on until it’s too late – hopefully some lad will want to put some on me hahaha. There’s usually loads of lads playing football there already even at this time. Morning tops off for the gals – oi oi!
I’m not sure what we’ve been chatting about but I say to Trina that they’ll be some cock there already and that I’m feeling so ready to mingle and she just laughs and carries on with what she was saying. I struggle to keep up with what she’s on about at times but like I said you can take the piss out of it as neither of us take ourselves too seriously. She says weird shit to me or about me, things that I scream at or whatever when she says them because they are just too weird. You know, like, I’ll say, what the fuck are you saying? and then howl at her, and then she’ll howl back too, but then say something like, I know, like, one’s own incredulity at what the messenger said should never be misconstrued as a lack of sense within what the messenger said, and then we’ll both howl more.
We’re getting to the edge of Wood and it’s a right bastard going up the final hill. It’s like a flat walk to Wood from ours but then it goes uphill before it opens up to like the view down to Park. Trina’s in front of me nearly at the top of the hill already. Shit like this makes me think I’m the fat one out of us because she can just breeze up the hill but I know that isn’t really a thing – what we look like. Like, does it really matter? Who’s deciding what we look like now anyway? It isn’t even necessary.
Hurry up and check this view, you lazy bitch.
The cheeky bitch is shouting down at me.
Oh, but Kat – you are great to look down on though.
That’s better: making a picture of me so I look fit. That’s how I want to sound.
I’ve got up the hill but I don’t really care about the view. I don’t really get them. But you can see the hot lads down on Park already as I knew they would be already. Trina’s looking past them at the view that we’ve seen like sooooo many times before – it is literally just Park then the rest of the city.
Trina, mate, you’re looking at the wrong view: check out the totty down there!
She isn’t even looking down at the lads!
Ha. I’m not looking at the view you think – look: you’re missing the totty up here.
And she points along the hill to the right to some guy lying on his own.
Oh. My. Fuckin. God. He. Looks. So. Fit.
I am telling you this guy looks like something from a perfume advert.
He’s lying there in the sun on his blanket on the edge of Wood with his dark flowing wanky hair and deep dark tan and I just want him NOW. He’s like a surfer dude or something. Why didn’t Trina say anything as soon as she got up here? He is literally so fit like this is so like unnecessary.
Trina, why the fuck are we still standing here – and I’m walking over to him already like no questions asked and I am actually wet.
I can hear his music on as I get near him and he’s reading some book and has other books and notebooks all around him. This will be so easy to get involved with.
Hi! I’m Kat! I could hear your music from over there and wondered what it was? Sounds really cool!
I am so good with casual intros.
Hi, Kat. This is Pink Floyd. Early Pink Floyd. Syd Barrett era.
Erm, who is he on about?
Ah yeah – cool! Sounds really… different! It’s so lovely today up here, isn’t it. You must be out here loads to get a colour like that!
I am laughing so hard I am actually hilarious.
I’m not sure it’s really a tan. I don’t think about that too much. I lie here quite a lot just pottering about though, yes. It’s quiet in the week too, usually, so I can get a lot done.
Erm, why so serious? Is he a bit dry or what? It doesn’t have to be taken so literally, mate. God.
Ah yeah – cool! What you doing then?
Not a lot, really. I’m just reading and writing, but it’s not for anything, if you understand. It’s a good space to be in up here when there isn’t too much going on, which is what I like. What are you doing? With your friend, are you?
He’s pointing over at Trina. Fuck sake – here we go.
Oh yeah, my friend Trina. Trina!
I did not just need to shout her over. Why is she just standing over there staring at us?
We’re just hanging out really. Going over to Park because it’s such a lush day, you know. Hence the bikinis!
And I give it a little boob shake. I am such a slut.
That sounds good.
Is that all he can reply? I’m pretty sure he might still be reading in between talking to me too. But Trina’s here now. Here we go: book chat.
Hi. I’m Trina. What’s your name?
Fuck I didn’t even ask his name.
Hi, Trina. I’m Tyson. Good to meet you – to meet you both. So, Kat said you’re going down to Park?
He hasn’t forgotten me yet then like fuck me.
Yes, going down to Park just to enjoy the sun. No real plans. What are you reading?
Told you: book chat.
Oh, it’s just about the interactions and roles in conflict and how they can determine behavioural patterns from childhood, and how this can be analysed for roles and states going forward in one’s life. We can take a cross section of behavioural patterns decided by the positively considered correlations of thirty pairs of twins and assess whether each pair will develop healthy attachments in their first romantic relationships.
What the fuck has he just said.
Erm, OK – psychology then. Sounds a bit of a convoluted way of explaining that though, at least to my – our – little minds. Like, it’s hard to make sense of what you said.
OK Trina caught on obviously. But what are they even saying? She seems to be sort of, like, chuckling at him?
Oh, I’m sure it does. I can sometimes only make sense to myself and a select few. But yes – if you think so: psychology, then.
Tyson: you can relax. Me and Kat don’t bite. At least not too hard.
Hahaha – love her.
I am relaxed, in my own way.
OK maybe he has some banter after all. But he doesn’t look too relaxed, in our way.
Right then – maybe we’re on the same page, but just have different words. But it must be explained so… clinically… in your words, mustn’t it.
OK Trina is definitely laughing at something and that was definitely sarcasm then.
Does it not all need to be, at some point?
He’s acting a bit cocky about fuck knows what here.
No, kid. Why is it necessary to get things so clinically right?
She has literally just called him kid! Is she fuming or something?
To label the right patterns so we know how things happen, then to forget them again.
If you want and need that spelling out, then crack on. Your book sounds a bit psychoanalytic, too, don’t it, you edgy so-and-so.
Yes, for sure – although it is a little finer-grained than that. But that may go without saying.
Yes, always more fine-grained for getting the right patterns, doctor. And no – you definitely had to say it, I’m sure.
She is literally laughing like at him now for sure and I have to laugh too.
Hahaha.
Yes – quite.
He has not just said quite. Surely not. But I don’t want Trina having the whole conversation.
So you studying or something or what? What you writing?
No, I’m not studying, I’m just reading some non-fiction for inspiration for some poetry I’m jotting down. But there’s no real rhythm or structure or plan to it, or reason for doing it.
Sunny day lying in the grass listening to some weird shit writing poetry. I mean he is sooooo fit but this might be harder work than I thought. The hair was genuinely a giveaway I mean really fuck sakeeeee Kat. This is Trina’s bag all day long.
Any recurring themes miraculously coming out of the filter of your subconsciousness today then?
And this is the kind of thing she says and I just don’t understand it. I don’t know why she says it. She is still like laughing or grinning or like grimacing at him though I think.
Well, yes, I suppose so. It’s always interesting, isn’t it, what we don’t expect to come out. But I suppose I feel a bit stuck right now, though I’m aware I’m stuck? Struggling to form things: that’s the theme. But not in a writer’s block kind of way, I should add.
Oh yes, you should of course add – again! Come on then, Ty, what you got down so far?
When Trina asks this he doesn’t even seem fazed, like he just spins around and sits up cross-legged and grabs his notebook like he’s ready to read? Aren’t people like a bit shier about this weird stuff? Fuck it – he was on his front before and I was creaming over the sweat on his lower back and I just wanted to lick it, like I just love that little tuff of lower back hair going down to his arse shinning with a bit of sweat on it, but now I can see his front and I want to lick down that in the same way too, from his abs, all the way down to his cock. He is so lean and toned and fittttt this is all really not required like oh my god.
No though really he is actually going to read his poem fuckkkkk.
Emily, can tell me what it is
Yet can you tell me—
“It is nothing but a picture
Of the fading trees from summer,
Of the gaps before some
Dawn,
Of what does not matter
In the gap.”
That is how she is playing
With us all.
That’s all I have so far. Still playing around with it though.
What the actual fuck has he just done? Is this happening? Who the fuck is Emily? Fuck this I’m asking him.
Who’s Emily?
Yeah, who is this Emily, then, Ty?
Trina is hilarious calling him Ty already!
I do like the poem though, at least how it’s started.
Urgh Trina why.
Thank you. Emily was in the song but it reminded me of someone else too. But it’s not really important. I just needed a name.
Deep, dude.
Trinaaaaa. She keeps mugging him right off now though I’m sure. I don’t know if she’s doing it because she wants his dick or what? I’ve got to copy her though.
Yeah – deep, dude.
Not so deep. Like I said, just playing around. Do you two enjoy reading? Studying? Literature? Poetry?
Ugh – he is getting a bit dull. Is it obvious to him that I’m starting to think he’s a bit dull?
Yeah Trina is super smart and reads and stuff but doesn’t take herself too seriously. I mean I read now and then too but I don’t take myself too seriously either and I’d rather just have a laugh like go Park and hang out you know like normal stuff. We both like just having fun, you know.
But fuck it I winked at him when I said having fun and I licked my lips because he is still literally sooooo fit and the poetry thing is actually still hot in some way.
I might have just read you in the wrong way, Kat…
Oh, I’m sure you haven’t, Ty: I am just a nightmare wanting your dick.
…but I should probably say that I do not go in for one-night stands. Or one-day stands, considering the time! Sorry – I shouldn’t jest. But I respect my body and integrity and I do not like my sexual encounters to be so cursorily premised. And I do not want to commodify myself.
What the actual fuck I mean like I wasn’t exactly going to just sleep with you right here right now. Has he really just called me out like that like dead straight?
Mate, chill out. I wasn’t going to just like jump on you right now or something, you know? You’re starting to weird me out to be honest.
Honestly – what is he doing.
OK. Sorry if I was being presumptuous about your motivations at all.
The loser doesn’t even seem bothered when he apologises.
Hahaha – amazing!
I’m glad she’s laughing.
Trina – Kat said you read?
Yes, I read. Don’t most people in some way? Bus timetables, menus, shop prices. You didn’t mean that though, did you – you meant books. So yes, I read – even big highbrow books, sometimes. Even reference them too when that’s required. Impressed?
Yeah fuck it Trina go in on him.
Less impressed, more interested. What are you reading at the minute?
Oh, well, actually… I have, erm… well, I’ve been doing some research for a piece I’m planning to write soon, actually. Maybe an article or even a paper for a journal, you know. It’s about the legitimacy of sexual misadventure and how it can be a valid choice for young women against patriarchal anxiety. No reason for doing it, though. Just playing.
I had no idea she was researching or writing anything and I have no idea what any of that just meant but he looks a bit stunned so fuck it I’m just going to shut the fuck up for a bit.
Oh, wow – really. That sounds fascinating. Can you elaborate?
Yes, I can.
…
…
Oh – sorry: will you elaborate, please?
Oh for sure! Well, young women will go out and fuck and have fun and that can be regarded as illegitimate, at best, and crass or demoralising or even dehumanising for ourselves, at worst. But it doesn’t have to be judged in that way. For one thing, it is literally just young women having fun and learning about life and ourselves – a pretty basic thing. For another, it benefits everyone for young women to piss off those men that react nervously to our own controlled sexualisation, those men that because they do not have the opportunity to benefit from our self-governing sexualisation themselves – they do not get to fuck us, to be clear – they instead get nervous, stressed, uncomfortable. And so the more they get nervous, stressed, uncomfortable about how much they want to fuck us – something they then inappropriately rationalise and label as some concern for us, or whatever, at best – the more we should fuck and have fun, as a choice, right in their faces, but not with their faces.
Right then. OK. So sexual misadventure is beneficial to young women, and all the potential harm that comes with it?
Better the devil you know, kind of thing. Bad shit is going to happen anyway – we’re all going to learn hard lessons in life. Even you, young man! So it’s better to appropriately be inappropriate and have some control. We all need to go through some shit, most probably, but no one else needs to force us away from or towards it. We can do that for ourselves.
This could be construed as a call to young women to proactively go after trouble though.
Your point?
So you’re promoting promiscuity and all the risks it can bring?
I’m promoting sexual adventure – or, God forbid, misadventure – on our own terms.
What is to be gained from chasing after adventure and risk though? It ends in one way: the end of the adventure – and that can feel worse when you are not aware of the adventure you are on in the first place. What’s wrong with the clean paths – the quiet parks? Do you really require them to be muddy and energetic? In words that may be more basic – and potentially offensive, I should add, but I’m aware of this: do you not want less drama?
Trina sounded so fucking good for whatever reason with whatever she was on about before he said this but fuck him I’ve been called drama far too many times in my life and I fucking hate the word. He’s causing drama now too, that’s the thing. I’m getting involved here now fuck him.
The thing is, you’re causing the drama now, aren’t you, mate.
There I said it fuck him. Now Trina can let him have it with her better shit again.
So what if we do need – even crave – drama? If we are so conditioned to need its support right now – to be fully immersed in its blinkering shadow? Who fucking cares.
Yeah fuck him man I’m telling him he doesn’t even make fucking sense either.
You don’t even make fucking sense either.
Riddles.
Yeah, riddles is better.
He talks in fucking riddles. And, more to the point, he thinks he’s the only one with the answers to them. To us. What is it we’re not supposed to know exactly?
Trina is like preaching some feminist shit I’m sure. So good. To be honest I don’t really know what the fuck either of them have been going on about but fuck him calling us drama.
I’m not saying you don’t know-
Trina just stops him speaking dead though.
The irony is you can’t know any better than us, either, can you.
Her saying this sounds really fucking good somehow. But the smug prick still carries on.
Ignorance is bliss, are you saying?
He seems to be loving this somehow in like being owned or something? And I’m just like really fucking riled up now, probably because he’s still so fit, somehow, and probably because I’m just fucking bored and confused. Trina is still smiling though and she’s starting to go in on him now, I think.
Mate, no one is thinking anything like you, and that’s not a problem. It ain’t a problem. No one needs to give too much of a fuck most of the time, and that’s fine. What are we in your infinite wisdom: young? dumb? superficial? unaware? So fucking what – let’s have fun anyway. At least it ain’t all ticking over in our heads and being checked and balanced all the time like some losers – we don’t need that. And you know what, my mum hugged me as a baby, my dad talks to me like a person and I’m sure they also switched roles too. And that did enough; nothing to read about; no more twins to assess. What if we were copying you, sitting here informing our prose with non-fiction? Fucking intellectual creativity of the driest order: do you not see the fuss in that? Are these books protecting you from the sun, or do you think they’re lifting you to it? Can you feel how fucking tight you are? You think us… you think me coming over here with the goal of fucking you means that I could not possibly also be aware that you’d just be something I’d go through during a moment in time – just a dramatic risk, if you want to stick to that thread – because I didn’t read about it beforehand – because I don’t have a thesis on my decision to get laid? I’ll flirt with some lost, romanticised book worm and maybe fuck someone else that I won’t spend the rest of my life with. I might even feel something during all of it. What’s the fucking issue? Does it worry you? What don’t you want to feel? I could have told you when we first came over that I wouldn’t be talking to you in five years, but that hardly matters right now, does it.
You were hot. Now you sound like a fucking loser. Shame: I’ve great tits, Ty.
Oh. My. Fucking. GOD. What has she just saiddddd. Trina the dreamboat. That hit him – even I noticed that that hit a fucking nerve somewhere. I’ve got to chime in.
Yeah, you sad prick. We’ve both got great tits.
Trina is so fucking good at the follow ups too.
And you’re looking past them and getting nowhere.
Yes – have that, you fit, pretentious wanker.
If you think so.
He has not just replied with that! He is blushing but like smiling and this is just so fucking weird and well past a waste of our time now. I don’t know how she’s keeping it together so much to spout her clever shit.
Nah – maybe you’re wrong there, as I suppose we don’t need to think so. Which ironically means we can agree on something? Maybe we are all just talking to ourselves, and maybe I’m the only one that notices. Oh – and of course you do, too, Ty. But we can all just stay where we are, can’t we.
And Tyson: we can even try and have some fun there, if we want to.
She sort of whispers the last bit to him and it is kind of like creepy and hot. He’s not blushing anymore but is like smirking like sort of turned on? Like, does he find it creepy and hot, all this being owned?
OK – I’ll stay here for now then. Maybe you two should go down to enjoy Park as you intended?
He is actually telling us to go when we’re clearly going anyway.
Yeah, don’t worry, mate – we’re going anyway. SO fucking dry up here. Trina – let’s go down there to those lads playing football.
And the cunt has NOT just laughed under his breath at me saying that, the fucking cunt. I’m about to whack the prick. I’m glad Trina replies first.
Problem with football now too? Man, get over yourself. We’ll have fun and learn if we need to. You stay up here on your own and bask in the sun if you want.
We’re walking down to Park and we are absolutely screaming.
Trina, mate, what the actual was he?
Ha. Don’t mind him, babe. He’s somewhere else – we just need to allow for it.
OK maybe Trina isn’t screaming as much as me.
And enjoy his type now and then!
OK she’s just burst out laughing at herself saying that and I don’t really get her but she’s so fucking sexy being smart as fuckkkkk and owning him.
Mate, you trashed him sooooo bad. What was he even saying? What were you both even on about? Were you pissed off with him or what?
He was mugging you off a bit – I heard him suggest you didn’t understand something when you first went over to him. Fuck that. But then I was just playing with it all really. He was actually a bit of a laugh. Even some banter! I made all that legitimacy of sexual misadventure shit up.
What!
What! You mean you made that all up? You’re not writing anything about all that shit?
No – not at all! I was just taking the piss having a bit of a laugh, seeing what he’d say. He was a bit ruffled at first, I think. Anxious! But not too sucked in to be fair. But fuck it he needed bringing down a peg or two. Head up his arse – stuck in his books: he’s lost in all that shit. He definitely enjoyed it a bit though – maybe I broke through his lines. I wasn’t making it up about my tits though, was I. Hahaha. Fuck the rest!
This! Girl! What even is she! I don’t know why she likes me at all at times.
Trina, you are a fucking dreamboat. I don’t know what you’re saying or doing a lot of the time but it feels like fucking gold and it turns me the fuck on.
And I didn’t even notice if he was like anxious or not or even like enjoying it or not but it feels like it was a good laugh now. And it is sooooo weird how me and Trina are friends like I do notice how weird it is more when things like this happen. But she just says it doesn’t matter overall, like it’s superficial and transitory she says to me when I say it’s weird that we’re friends and we do just create just so much fun and drama and we both just seem to love it.
*
I am so burnt. Those lads were so basic at putting cream on. Dead chat too – dry as fuck. I’ve literally no interest in football chat constantly and I made it pretty obvious but they didn’t even bother to notice.
Need to stop spending hours on end in the sun like this doing nothing down here like this like it’s a waste of time a lot of the time. Just a waste of summer like fading past me.
And I don’t understand all that shit with Trina and Tyson either and like which of us is saying what and OH MY FUCKING GOD I thought she’d been gone ages but I can see her now.
I can see her – up there. She is up there, like, up there, with him. Up there, fucking him!
OMG actually they have just actually rolled down the hill a bit in the middle of doing it hahaha!
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