Albert K. Ashes-Bury’s Little Boy

“Stand by me, my apprentice
Be brave, clench fists”
—The Streets, ‘Turn the Page’

Little boy
This will be hell
So so so so dark for you
Unimaginable
Indescribable
Bleak
Empty
The outer most edges of horror

Little boy
Clenched fists
Such a beautiful, joyous, strong, herculean little boy
I am waiting here
We are coming back together
I see you
I see your…
              It is indescribable

Little boy
Remember some words
The body will do what it needs
Your experience will tear for the right reasons
You will have to know some parts of this universe
              that you should not have had to
You will have to feel some even further
              more terrifying parts

Little boy
You can leave them
You will leave them
Leave them
Take nothing with you
No—you owe nothing
Leave every inch there
You owe nothing
Come here for good things
Feel no guilt
But feel
Feel
Feel
Feel
Feel
You have left
It is safe
Feel

Little boy
Yes—feeling is allowed
And it’s really really terrifying too at first
But trust in me
Trust in you
You have left, you have left
They are not here anymore
You are not there anymore
My hand waits
              out here
              for you
              for us
It will never ever move

Little boy
I am at your level
I can see you
Confused
Frenzied
Battered
You don’t know what doubt is, do you
You don’t even know what real is, do you
It all feels like nothing, doesn’t it
You feel nothing
Remember nothing
Experience nothing
You are not yet born

Little boy
Still clenched fists
Bide your time
Hold it in and bring it here
Come here
Come to me
You do not know what I, you, us can do with it all here
Will do with it all here
I will go through countless dark nights of our soul
Repeated
Constant
Machine-like
Fucking eat them I will
You will not believe what you will give me
That horror
              will be like child’s play
              if you just hold it in for now

Little boy
There will be no fucking doubt
              over and over and over and over and over
              and over and over and over and over and over
              No fucking doubt
We fucking win
Look
              Little boy
Look at this
              Little boy
Look at me
              Little boy
Look at you
              Little boy
Look at us
My hand waited
You can come in now
It’s eaten
I ate it
It’s gone
We fucking won

O little boy
You are so so amazing
The things you will see
The places you will go
So so unfathomable
But to come back here
Keep going
You are the most amazing little boy in the world
Keep going
You are the most amazing little boy in the world
And you are here
And up
And the most amazing boy, man, me, in the world
Keep going
Keep going
Keep going

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